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Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There... And Give Them More Money: Fitness Boxing 3's Persona 5 DLC is Peak Milking
BREAKING NEWS
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Rogue
The Skeptic
The Hook: Because Your Sweat Wasn't Edgy Enough
Welcome back, fellow victims of the gaming industry’s relentless pursuit of your wallet. It’s Rogue here, the guy who reminds you that your backlog is a graveyard of broken promises and unplayed 'Gold Editions.' Today, we’re looking at Fitness Boxing 3: Your Personal Trainer. Yes, they made a third one. Apparently, the first two didn’t quite get us to stop eating Cheetos on the couch, so Imagineer is back for another round. But wait, there’s a 'Phantom Thief' twist. They’ve announced the Persona 5 Royal Pack DLC. Because nothing says 'rebellion against society' like paying fifteen bucks to shadowbox in your living room to jazz music while a virtual trainer judges your lack of stamina.
The Details: What Are You Actually Buying?
Imagineer has officially pulled the trigger on a collaboration with Atlus to bring the Persona 5 Royal Pack to Fitness Boxing 3. For those of you who haven't been keeping track (probably because you were busy playing actual games), here is what this 'transformative' experience entails:
- Iconic Background Music: You get to punch the air to the beats of 'Life Will Change,' 'Rivers in the Desert,' and 'Colors Flying High.'
- Themed Backgrounds: The UI gets a red-and-black makeover so you can pretend you’re in the Metaverse instead of a cramped apartment.
- The 'Persona' Tax: It’s a paid DLC pack, designed to lure in the P5 fans who will buy anything with Joker’s face on it.
The pack is set to launch alongside the game or shortly after, ensuring that your initial purchase of the base game feels incomplete from day one. Isn't modern gaming wonderful?
Persona's Take: The 'Don't Pre-order' Reality Check
Let’s get real for a second. Fitness Boxing is essentially Wii Sports Boxing but with a gym membership fee attached. It’s the kind of game you buy on January 1st because you made a resolution, play for exactly three days, and then leave to gather digital dust next to your copy of Ring Fit Adventure. Adding Persona 5 music to it is the ultimate 'shiny object' distraction. It’s a classic Atlus move—they’ve milked Persona 5 so hard that the cow is currently asking for a witness protection program. We’ve had dancing games, fighting games, tactician games, and now... cardio music?
The Flaw: The core gameplay of Fitness Boxing remains repetitive and, frankly, a bit dull. No amount of 'Last Surprise' is going to change the fact that the Joy-Con motion tracking is about as accurate as a weather forecast in a hurricane. You’ll be throwing a perfect hook, and the game will tell you it’s a 'Miss' because you didn't flick your wrist at the exact micro-second the software expected. Paying extra for DLC in a game that struggles with its primary mechanic is like putting a spoiler on a minivan. It looks cool to a very specific, very sad group of people, but it’s still a minivan.
And let’s talk about the Don’t Pre-order mentality. Why are you pre-ordering a fitness game? Are you afraid they’re going to run out of digital copies? Are you worried you won’t be able to punch the air on Day 1? Wait for the reviews. Wait to see if the tracking is actually improved in the third iteration. Most importantly, wait to see if this DLC is actually substantial or just a glorified Spotify playlist with a fancy skin.
Conclusion: A Heart Deserving of a Change
Fitness Boxing 3 is likely going to be more of the same, and the Persona 5 Royal Pack is the carrot on the stick for the weebs among us. If you really want to exercise to Persona music, pro tip: Put on your headphones, open YouTube, and go for a run. It’s free, and you don’t have to deal with a virtual trainer named 'Lin' telling you that you’re doing a great job when you’re actually just vibrating on the floor. Don’t let the 'Phantom Thieves' steal your cash before the game even proves it’s worth your time.
๐ Gamer Verdict
4/10 HYPE
"A blatant attempt to use Persona's popularity to sell a mediocre fitness sequel."
✅ The Good
- The music is objectively great (thanks, Shoji Meguro).
- A good excuse for P5 fans to actually move their legs.
❌ The Bad
- It's just a glorified skin/music pack for a repetitive game.
- Atlus is milking Persona 5 into oblivion.
๐ Global Quick Take
๐ฎ๐ณ Hindi: Fitness Boxing 3 เคฎें Persona 5 เคा DLC เค เคฐเคนा เคนै, เคฒेเคिเคจ เคฏเคน เคธिเคฐ्เคซ เคเคชเคे เคชैเคธे เคंเค เคจे เคा เคเค เคเคฐ เคคเคฐीเคा เคนै।
๐ช๐ธ Spanish: Fitness Boxing 3 recibe un DLC de Persona 5 Royal, pero no es mรกs que otro intento de explotar la nostalgia de los fans.
๐ Check Price for Switch
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Tags: #FitnessBoxing3 #Persona5Royal #NintendoSwitch #GamingRant #DLC
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